In "Speaking of Courage," the narrator says, "Sometimes the bravest thing on earth was to sit through the night and feel the cold in your bones. Courage was not always a matter of yes or no." How does the narrator define courage? How do you define it?
Analyze the effects of the war on Norman Bowker.
Examine his thoughts after he returns from the war: what might have been, what he wishes for, and what he finds.
Discuss the medals that Normal received, and analyze why he keeps referring to the medal he did not receive.
Why does Bowker write to O'Brien? What is the effect of this letter on O'Brien?
What happens to Bowker? Why?
Bowker comes home from war wanting and almost expecting people to understand what he has experienced and the whole aspect of war. Bowker wants to talk to the people of his small town and tell his war stories to them so he knows they understand. Bowker wishes that people will try to understand what he experinced and listen to him. What Bowker finds is an uninterested town that only cares about
ReplyDeletetheir own life and keeping everything their world peaceful. The people do not want to listen to war stories.
I think when Bowker returns from war, he feels lonely. Bowker just wants to talk to someone and tell them what war was like. He doesn’t want to talk to other soldiers because they already know. But no one cares enough to listen to Bowker tell his stories. I think that if Bowker did tell his stories, it would have been like therapy for him.
ReplyDeleteThroughout his military service, Bowker received seven medals and almost got an eighth. I think that the one he didn’t get, the Silver Star, is a cause of regret for him. He almost saved Kiowa. He almost got the Silver Star. I think that Kiowa’s death weighs on his mind too much and almost getting the Silver Star is a constant reminder.
Bowker returned home a broken man, as many Vietnam soldiers did. He finds a much different world back home than over in Vietnam and it's hard to adjust. He never really gets to adjust because he ends his own life and even if he hadn't I don't think he would have ever adjusted completely. Being able to tell his stories would have helped, but like countless other veterans he would still be scarred and haunted by his experience in Vietnam.
ReplyDeleteThe medals he received don't mean that much to him, it's the medal he never receives that haunts him. The Silver star that he would have received for saving Kiowa. That medal isn't a medal to him, it's a reminder that he let Kiowa die right next to him.
The narrator defines courage as an act that is both brave and heroic. I define courage as having the strength to do something, or say something, that while may be terrifying and unpopular, one does anyway to make a better outcome or because it is the right thing to do.
ReplyDeleteNorman Bowker is very traumatized after the war and has a hard time adjusting back to his old way of life. His plans were to come home from war and tell everyone the stories he had from his experiences in a way that might lead to his own healing, but what he soon figures out is that he just cannot find it within himself to share these horrible stories with others. He feels that he wouldn’t appreciate others’ reactions to his stories or that they simply just wouldn’t understand or even be interested. This somewhat frustrates him because he knows he needs to release all that has built up inside of him from his war experiences and he is left searching for a way to release it. We watch as he struggles to merge his old lifestyle with his war experiences in order to create a new normal. However, the struggle overwhelms him and he ends up choosing the ultimatum of hanging himself, therefore releasing himself of the pain which he feels he can no longer bear.
Norman received a total of seven medals throughout his journey in the war. His father always talked about him getting medals and awards yet Norman himself was not pleased with the seven. The opportunity presented itself where he could have received the Silver Star medal, but he did not earn it. He refers to this medal more often than the others he actually earned because I think the Silver Star is the one medal that would have meant the most to him. I think he felt it would have been a constant reminder of the courage he displayed in helping his friend, but instead he had to live without the medal which was a constant reminder of his lack of courage while he watched his friend die right before him, leaving Norman with the guilt of thinking Kiowa’s death was his fault. I think not receiving the Silver Star medal provides him a much deeper pain than any happiness he would have felt should he have earned the medal.
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ReplyDeleteIn a sense I feel Norman Bowker never truly returned home from Vietnam; just his physical ensemble had. Norman's mind and thoughts however, I feel were left in the field where Kiowa had passed. He wishes to have saved his friend, as I believe many veterans feel the same remorse. He never finds the strength to forgive himself for what happened that day, instead Norman found distractions. Through basketball and driving, Norman tried to ease the pain; however it proved all to bearable. His longing to tell his stories were never achieved either, and the silence consumed him.
ReplyDeleteWhile Norman received seven honorary medals for his service, he had little appreciation for them. The Silver Star medal was more than a title to him, one he could not attain. Had Norman been awarded the Silver Star medal, it would not only mean he had an award his father would be proud of, but also a member of his platoon would still be alive. His lack to acquire the medal was a constant reminder of a life he could not save, though not his fault, Bowker felt the guilt over the next several years. During these years he wrote a letter to Tim O'brien.
I believe his purpose in writing a letter to O'Brien, is to try to relate to someone who has been there. Norman is surrounded by those who could only imagine what happened in Vietnam, while O'Brien had experienced it. Also, I feel the letter was a way for Norman to express his want for others to find purpose in their lives after the war. Bowker may have not been able to find his place outside of Vietnam, because part of him died along Kiowa. I believe he wanted a balance for the life lost, he wanted everyone else to live that much more. The letter was in a way a goodbye and cry for help. Due to the letter, O'Brien writes the story "Speaking of Courage". In the story several things were changed and omitted, such as Norman's name, and the death of Kiowa. After the story was finished, a copy was sent to Norman. He wondered and was angered at why Kiowa's death had not been discussed, as i think he felt he owed some sort of retribution to his lost friend. Three years after, Norman had hung himself at the local YMCA. I think one thing to remember about his death is that he left the war just as he had entered it. A quiet and peaceful man whom left his hometown to join a war, in which he carried a diary; would leave the world just the same, with O'Brien's words capturing his essence rather than his own.
Tim O'Brien defines courage as being heroic, bold, and selfless. I define courage to be you willing to put yourself out there no matter how intimidating or challenging the task at hand is.
ReplyDeleteBowker arrives in Vietnam operating with the perspective of a World War II soldier. He believes that what defines a man as courageous are medals and awards. In spite of this belief, Bowker has an emotional life, all of the horror he experienced in Vietnam, especially Kiowa's death. These feelings are not expressed as anger, but instead they come across as self-loathing and extreme survivor guilt. Bowker is described as someone who "did not know what to feel."
Norman won seven medals in Vietnam, including the Combat Infantryman’s Badge, the Air Medal, the Army Commendation Medal, the Bronze Star, and the Purple Heart. He thinks about his father’s pride in those badges and then recalls how he almost won the Silver Star but blew his chance. Since he wasn't able to claim the Silver Star medal, he dwells on it because the medals he earned were awarded to ordinary soldiers and the Silver Star was a prize to be won that any average soldier couldn't have won.
Bowker was confused and disturbed by why no one else really cared about Kiowa's death. He had lost his friend and was upset and felt as though he owed him. Therefore, three years following, when he was at the YMCA he hung himself in the men's locker room; he felt he had no reason to keep on living.
The Vietnam War took a tole on Norman Bowker that not many people could understand. He returned to his small town portrayed as a courageous hero who had won several honorary medals for his service. Although Bowker wanted to share his experience in the war with his close friends and family he couldn’t bring himself to do so. He was constantly reminded of the medal he didn’t receive, The Silver Star, and the reasons behind it. Bowker constantly lived with a dark cloud of guilt after he failed to save his friend Kiowa from drowning in the muck during the Vietnam War. He blamed himself for the lack of courage he displayed and only wished he could have saved Kiowa from death. He returned home and kept to himself, sinking into a deep depression with the constant reminder of the medal he never got and the friend he couldn’t save. The war had major a effect on Bowker that none of us could really ever comprehend.
ReplyDeleteBowker wrote O’brien a letter regarding how he wanted a story written about the real effects of The Vietnam War to someone who had thought they lost everything because of it. After the story was published, Bowker was upset that Kiowa’s death was not discussed believing his death had a huge part in the story. Bowker later took his own life only months later. O’brien did revise the story, coming to terms with what the story was truly about and understanding the pain behind Bowkers guilt and despair.
The narrator defines courage as a heroic action. I define courage as doing something out of your comfort zone, no matter what others think. After the war, Norman Bowker experiences survivor's guilt. After not receiving the Silver Star, he felt a constant reminder of how he couldn't save Kiowa from death. He did receive seven medals, including the Combat Infantryman’s Badge, the Air Medal, the Army Commendation Medal, the Bronze Star, and the Purple Heart. His father is very proud of him for receiving the medals that he did, but Bowker can only think about the medal he didn't receive. He tries to distract himself by playing basketball at the YMCA and taking long drives around the lake. These distractions helped him cope, but he still couldn't get his mind off what happened the day in that muck with Kiowa. Bowker later wrote a letter to O'Brien stating that he couldn't find a meaningful use for his life after the war. Bowker wanted O'Brien to write a story "about a guy who wants to talk about it but he can't.." (pg 151). O'Brien explained that Bowker's letter really impacted him. It made him realize how easily he had made the transition from war to peace. Eight months later Bowker killed himself. He just couldn't get his mind out of the war, and his mother believed he just didn't want to bother anyone any longer.
ReplyDeleteIn “Speaking of Courage,” the narrator defines courage as an act of bravery. I define courage as doing something that may be scary or intimidating, but you are still brave enough to do it.
ReplyDeleteNorman Bowker has a hard time after the war. With everything that went on while he was there he became traumatized. When he arrived from war, he was going to tell everyone his war stories but soon decides not to. He believes that if he tells his stories it will help him absorb everything that happened in Vietnam, but then realizes he does not want to tell them his horrible stories. He decides not to because they wouldn’t appreciate hearing him tell them. He then is forced to find a new way to overcome his experiences in a way without having to tell others his stories.
Medals were a big deal to Norman, while at war he earned seven of them. Medals play a big role in Norman’s life because they played a role in his father’s life as well. Although Norman received seven, it still was not good enough for him. He had the opportunity to earn the Silver Star medal, but did not fulfill that chance. This medal is referred to most because I think it creates a burden on him. If he would have received it, it would have shown his heroic act of saving his friend. But instead he does not receive it, and if left suffering due to the thought that it was his fault that Kiowa died.
The narrator of "Speaking of Courage" really defines courage as doing what's really hard and normal what others wouldn't do. A person who tries to be courageous doesn't have to attempt the impossible but can just do the undesirable things.
ReplyDeleteFor Norman he felt as if his courage would have be defined on all of his achievements and metals from the war. He won seven medals yet it wasn't good enough because there was the one medal he didn't get. That's why coming home to do something with his life was so important. He felt as if being able to make something of himself would show every courage after the war. But even with all the medals he didn't feel as if they were anything good because he knew if he kept trying to save the man and dealt with the smell he would have won the medal. I believe the letter was written just because O'Brien knew what Norman was talking about. Norman felt he was able to confined in O'Brien. Norman also wanted his story out there for people to understand. In the end Norman Bowker killed himself because the transition from Vietnam to The US was just too much and Bowker didn't know what to do after the war.
The Vietnam war took a toll on Norman Bowker, as it did with many other people. Physically, he left the war behind. Mentally, he could not. The single biggest thing that really stuck with Bowker was Kiowa's death. He lost a friend and that was very difficult for him. However, I felt that even more devastating was that, in that same event, he lost the opportunity to win the Silver Star. The only thing he could focus on after that was letting his friend die and not getting The Silver Star. He felt that nothing else after that would ever matter. All he thought was "if only I had been more courageous" and "if only I saved Kiowa". I sense that he believed that if he could have done at least one of those, the things he had done in the war and with his whole life up until that point would have meant something. I also think that he viewed that lost opportunity as the only one he would ever have. He drove around not knowing what to do with himself anymore. No one could comprehend his pain because he could not express why this made hem feel as though he had failed.
ReplyDeleteBowker wrote a letter to O'Brien about the real effects of the Vietnam War, and about a person, or people, who lost everything to the war. About how they couldn't move on because they felt like they left something unfinished in the war. A few months later Bowker took his life in a YMCA locker-room. Ironically when O'Brien read the letter, he truly understood Browker's pain and guilt because he had felt the same guilt over Kiowa's death. The only difference was that he had learned to live with it because he was able to express it through his writing. Actually, I think that was his purpose in writing this book.
I believe courage is defined by the actions a person chooses to make. When Bowker returns home he drives, hours of driving. He thinks of what he would say to someone when they ask about his medal, though noone does. No one is interested in what Bowker has to say. They are polite as he is a veteran but they don't want to hear the stories that replay in his head from his time in Vietnam and so he writes. He writes a letter to O'Brian asking him to basically write about him using the things he says in the letter about his life, what he went through, but most importantly, that night in the field of mud. Sadly there is not a happy ending for Bowker even though he says he is fine, he meets a tragic death by suicide.
ReplyDeleteIn The Things They Carried the narrator describes courage as not always a quick action in a frightful time, but also the ability to push through hard times. O’Brien stated that courage sometimes was nothing more than being able to sit through the dark nights and simply feel the coldness sink into you. I would define courage very similarly to the way Tim O’Brien did because courage can be shown in many different ways, many of which are tasks that test ones will to carry on.
ReplyDeleteAfter the war the narrator describes Norman Bowker as a quiet man with few people to talk to and no place to go. In the chapter “Speaking of Courage” the narrator sets the scene of Bowker driving around and around a small manmade lake in his father’s Chevy. While he is driving Norman constantly thinks of the stories he could tell from his war experiences. He thinks about the day he lost his good friend Kiowa, or the seven medals he had won from the war, to even the ability he now has to tell time without looking at a clock. He imagines the responses he would get from his father, who would be proud of him for all the medals that he had won, and from a girl he grew up with by the name of Sally Gustafson, that was now married, who he guessed would then grow stubborn at the word choice Bowker would have used as he told his story.
A while after the war Tim O’Brien gets a letter from Bowker stating that he had read a previous war book from him and he tells O’Brien how much the story had meant to him and how it had brought back past memories from the war. This in turn inspires O’Brien to make a chapter dedicated to Norman in the book that he was currently writing naming the chapter “Speaking of Courage”. Tim eventually sees that this story does not fit in with his book so in turn he publishes it as a short story and mails a copy to Bowker. After reading it Norman writes back to Tim stating that he did not capture the full scene of Kiowa’s death. Not long later word got out that Norman had committed suicide at his towns YMCA, Tim was saddened by this and he soon revises Normans chapter filling in the details of Kiowa’s death and using Norman’s actual name in the book. Though Norman was not alive to read the new chapter himself Tim hoped that the story would please him.
To the narrator, courage is not black and white. For example, courage is not “Do this and you’re courageous. Or, don’t do it and you’re a coward.”
ReplyDeleteTo me, courage is being able to pushing yourself to do things, no matter how terrifying it may seem. By this, I don’t mean pushing yourself through terrifying things to prove to others that you’re not a coward, or to uphold a certain image you wish to sustain. But rather, being able to overcome a deep fear in your bones and having the strength to overcome it.
Norman Bowker returns home from Vietnam feeling distant from the rest of his town, as if he doesn’t belong there anymore. The war, like any traumatizing experience, left Bowker broken. He felt he could no longer relate to the people he once knew, like his father and Sally Kramer. Coming from this feeling of seclusion and brokenness, Bowker takes his own life.
Bowker received seven medals during his time in Vietnam. However, the Silver Star he never received seems to seize Bowker and fill him with guilt and regret. This medal seems to haunt Bowker as a constant reminder of his half-attempt to save Kiowa. No amount of reassurance can make Bowker see that seven medals was plenty to prove of his bravery. Bowker cannot overlook the empty space on his uniform where his Silver Star should be.
I think Bowker wrote to O’Brien to try to solidify his feelings and thoughts, and in a way, try to prove to himself that he doesn’t have to go through this alone. Bowker wants someone to capture the trueness of war, and is confused when O’Brien writes his story as nothing close to Vietnam. Bowker needs reassurance that his old friends still remember as vividly as he does.
In the end though, the feelings of; seclusion from his own town, guilt from not being able to save Kiowa, and confusion on what to feel and how to act, became too much for Norman Bowker. He took his own life to rid himself of these feelings, and to finally end the hell that was the Vietnam War. I think Bowker just wanted to find peace, and death was the only way that he could give that to himself.
In The Things They Carried, Norman Bowker never fully regained his life after Vietnam. The things he had seen and his experiences overall haunted him for the rest of his life, as they do in real life with many veterans. Although his physical body had returned from the Vietnam War, his mind was one thing that never would. Tim O'Brien defined courage as being able to push through hard times, even when it seems there is no hope. The men in The Things They Carried were courageous not just to prove to others that they were "real men", but to prove to themselves as well. Norman Bowker ended up hanging himself because he feels that he was not enough. He could not deal with the guilt of not being about to save Kiowa and, though he received seven medals for his bravery in the Vietnam War, he felt that he was not as brave and courageous as he should have been. He felt as though he could no longer relate to the people he once loved so dearly, and because of this feeling of rejection, Bowker sadly takes his own life.
ReplyDeleteCourage is a theme that is examined several times throughout The Things They Carried. I interpreted from the book that O'Brien interpreted courage as the ability to push through any difficult situation while still upholding your morals, and that courage is the ability to reflect upon aspects of life and simply understand the significance of your decisions and everyone else's. By this definition two people can do completely opposite acts and be considered courageous. Hence the quote that "Courage was not always a matter of yes or no." To me courage is being able to go through with a decision that you think is right regardless of how other people feel. To me Bowker seemed to be upset because he had left Vietnam and couldn't accomplish anything else there. In his mind he could make up for letting Kiowa die if he accomplished more while he was still over there. That is why he was always concentrating on the medals he didn't get, particularly one for saving Kiowa. He eventually can no longer take the sense of stagnation, that nothing else can be accomplished in that sense, so he didn't allow himself to accomplish anything himself. This eventually leads to the sad loss of his life.
ReplyDeleteIn my mind, courage is the ability to overcome your fears, push through and accomplish something that you are not comfortable with or scared of doing. The war caused many lasting effects on Norman Bowker. He continuously drives around the lake reminiscing on his life before the war and then his war experiences, He realizes that he has nobody to talk to about the war that would understand. He wishes his father would listen and understand, but all his father cares about is him winning medals. Bowker won seven medals in Vietnam, the Combat Infantryman’s Badge, the Air Medal, the Army Commendation Medal, the Bronze Star, and the Purple Heart. The medal he refers to that he did not receive is the Silver Star. He continues to refer to this because he would have won it if he ended up saving Kiowa, but he let Kiowa die. This is what he regrets and wishes he could change. He wishes he would have pulled Kiowa out of the mud and save him. Norman Bowker eventually commits suicide because he could not live with his war experiences.
ReplyDeleteThe narrator in the novel defines courage as something that isn't something you always have, its something that typically comes and goes depending on the situation. I agree with this totally because truly depending on a given situation you may or may not have courage. Being couragous can mean a variety of things, once again depending on the situation. Usually though, when having courage and being couragous, you do what is best even if that means at the time giving up your own well-being to build strength to benefit the good of others and in the end yourself. For instance, the war had an everlasting impact on Norman Bowker, his mind always led to his war experiences and could never build up the courage to tell anyone. Thus then leading to the letter to O'Brien. Courage is something you either have or don't have at a given time and place during a situation. Like i stated above it just comes and goes. It is something that just simply happens or does not happen.
ReplyDeleteThe narrator describes courage as getting out of your own comfort zone and doing something that you aren’t used to. Doing something that is brave and is for the better. For me having courage means doing the right thing no matter the consequences, and enduring suffering instead of taking the safe way out to become a hero. The war truly affected Norman Bowker in more ways than just one. Before the war he had big plans and dreams, even a crush on a girl. He had his whole life ahead of him, and left it all behind to serve his country at Vietnam. When Returning home after the war was over, he finally came to realization that everyone had moved on with their life. The world had changed while he was away. The girl he liked had gotten married to a different man, his friends had gone to college and gotten real jobs and Norman came back to his old life only to feel alone with no clue what to do next. He carried the war with him everywhere, the memories, the pain, the guilt etc. Norman describes how he received seven medals while serving in the war but all he can think about is the one medal he didn’t receive. He becomes discouraged and believes he cost his friend Kiowa his life. If only he had had the courage to save Kiowa, not only would Bowker have received the medal, but Kiowa would still be alive. The guilt of this stays with him forever. Bowker later commits suicide and hangs himself, feeling he has nothing left to offer the world anymore.
ReplyDeleteThe narrator defines courage as something that the soldiers gain in the war from experience. They didn't understand courage until they were put in a life-risking situation that forced them to show their true bravery. I believe that courage means to push yourself to do things that you don't want to do, but in your heart you know it is what should be done. Norman Bowker was a man who had found himself in the war, but did not know who he was when he returned. Once he got back home, he felt trapped doing the same things over and over, like he didn't have a purpose anymore. Norman received seven medals in the war, but none of them were as important to him as the one he didn't receive- the Silver Star. He kept referring to this one because he did not have the courage to let go of the reason why he didn't win it, all because he physically couldn't save Kiowa in the Song Tra Bong. Norman writes to O'Brien describing how he couldn't find use for his life anymore, and how O'Brien should write a book about him not being able to make the change from war to normal life. Norman eventually hangs himself after all the guilt he had endured after the war.
ReplyDeleteI think O’Brien defines courage through the things the men “hump”, whether they were physical objects or memories. Soldiers can only physically carry what they can fit in their back pack, and yet on top of that they carry a million memories that can scar them for life. It takes courage to face all the awful things they witness and then be able to talk about it with their men. That’s how I would define courage, being able to witness death every day and still being able to go on each day. To have courage you have to be brave and take risks which are qualities of soldiers.
ReplyDeleteFor Norman Bowker, the war really hit him hard when his good friend Kiowa died. Bowker blamed himself for Kiowa’s death because he was unable to pull him out of the waste. After his failure he just felt alone because he was carrying the memory of his friend and the fact that in order to save himself he had to let go of his friend. After the war Norman received medals but he couldn’t be proud of those due to the heavy memory weighing him down. I believe Norman Bowker wrote to O’Brian because he wanted to be relieved of the memory, it was just too heavy and until he could let it go he couldn’t be happy. When O’Brien finally published the writing and it was to Norman’s liking he just resorted to suicide. The weight of Kiowa’s death just became too much.
In “Speaking of Courage”, the narrator defines courage as something that has limits to it. At times, courage is easy to find, but in other, more difficult situations, it can be the most difficult thing to have. I define courage as something very similar to the narrator. For example, finding courage in life-threatening situations is much more difficult than in day-to-day situations. War brought a type of numbness or dullness to Norman Bowker’s life. Life back in his town seems so quiet, as if everyone has moved on. This is due to the experiences he has had during war, making everything seem so blunt back home. Bowker thinks of how life would have been different if he had never gone to war. He realizes that he possibly could have been with Sally Kramer, his high school girlfriend. He still wishes to talk to her, but she is now married and seems to be living a happy life. He still feels guilt for not helping Kiowa in the field. He wishes he had someone to tell his story to about how he almost won the Silver Star but can find no one to relate to. Bowker received seven medals but regrets not receiving the Silver Star because they are just medals received for “being there”, not for displaying courage. Bowker wrote to O’Brien because life in Iowa seemed pointless and the guilt of Kiowa was still present. He felt like he had no aim in life and needed to express his thoughts to someone who had gone through the same things he had. This letter haunted O’Brien in a way. He listened to Bowker and wrote a chapter called “Speaking of Courage” in the novel he was writing at that time, Going After Cacciato, that told Norman Bowker’s story. He ended up taking it out of there when he realized how much he had changed the story. Eight months after telling O’Brien what he thought of the story, Bowker hanged himself. His aimless life and guilt after Vietnam became too much for him to handle.
ReplyDeleteThe narrator describes courage as something that is hard to use. He felt at the beginning of the war that he could save up all of his courage to be used once when it was needed. He finds this to be completely untrue. He says how courage is necessary your whole life and he wishes he started using it when he was younger because it would have helped him use it in the war. He thinks it is necessary to use in all situations. I think courage is a hard thing to have. It is difficult to be brave and face something challenging. Having courage doesn't mean you don't have fear, it means you still try it anyway.
ReplyDeleteThe war has a really negative effect on Norman Bowker. He feels extremely guilty and blames himself for Kiowa's death. He had a chance to be a hero, to save his friend, to earn a Silver Star, but he couldn't do it. He feels alone in the little town he lives in. He feels invisible and like he can't tell his story to anyone.
He disregards the seven medals he did win because they were for common, daily activities. The one time it would take a big act of valor, he couldn't do it which is why he focuses on that medal.
Bowker writes to O'Brien to tell him how miserable he is and that O'Brien should write a book about the night Kiowa died. He wants the memory of Kiowa to be written down and maybe in a way it will help him find closure for not being able to save him. It haunts O'Brien. He finds it sad how desperate Bowker is. He agrees to do it but finds it difficult to find a place for that story in his book. He sends a copy to Bowker who expresses his dissatisfaction. A while later he commits suicide. His life was too empty and meaningless since the war. He felt like he was killed there and in a way he was.
The narrator defines courage not as someone choosing to do something dangerous for the good of others, but enduring extreme amounts of pain because no one else can. Courage is not jumping into the fire without feeling fear, it's being able to do what no other person is willing to regardless of the outcome for yourself. Being courageous does not mean that fear is not present, it means that a person able to look past that fear and overcome. After Norman Bowker returned from the war he was unable to cope with the fact that his mistake had possibly cost Kiowa his life. Bowker attaches himself to the medals that he earns in order to reassure himself that he was a courageous soldier and his action in the field could not have caused the death of Kiowa. The medal that he did not receive is a constant reminder to him that he was the possible cause of Kiowa's death. However, instead of only remembering the bad, Bowker acts as though he did receive the medal for saving him and it gives him a feeling of relief that Kiowa's death was not his fault. Unfortunately Bowker is unable to escape the mental strain that constantly haunts him from the issue and his last effort to save himself is to have O'Brien focus on the good aspect of his duty in Vietnam. The emotional strain that follows him after the war eventually led him to suicide.
ReplyDeleteThe narrator defines courage as facing the impossible and coming out ahead of fate. I believe courage is rising above your struggles even though it may seem impossible. Having the courage to change is one of the strongest things on this planet. After Norman Bowker returned from the war, he was unable to cope with the fact that Kiowa was gone. He thought it was his fault that he had died. Bowker recieved 7 medals but he looked past them and only saw the one he was missing. The Sliver Star which he could have recieved if Kiowa had been saved. Bowker finds it hard to readjust to society. He mentally was so impacted by the war he is unable to function back into normal society. Bowker ends up commiting suicide,being unable to deal with the aftereffects of the war.
ReplyDeleteThe narrator defines courage as something the person has to choose without being forced to do it, but from their own will. Courage to me is being brave enough for you to do something even though it might hurt you. When Norman Bowker returns home, he can't adjust to normal life. It still looms over him that Kiowa was dead and it was his fault. Bowker wishes that he could tell his war stories of the night that Kiowa died, but assumes that no one would want to hear it. The medals that he receives tells him that he did a great job in the war, but he keeps saying that the reason he didn't get the Silver Medal was because he let Kiowa die. If Norman Bowker thinks that if he did not let Kiowa die, then he would get the medal. Norman Bowker wrote to O'Brien because he feels that O'Brien is the only person that will listen to him. O'Brien later writes a book about the letters he has received from Norman Bowker. After a while, Bowker tries to get back into society and be productive, but can't. He goes to community college and tries to hold a job, but fails. He commits suicide because he can't cope with normal day stuff that doesn't deal with the war.
ReplyDeleteIn the chapter "Speaking of Courage", the narrator defines courage as being something that you did with no thought, but it felt like it was the right thing to do. To me, courage is putting other people before yourself and doing whatever it takes to accomplish it, life-threatening or not. The war put Norman Bowker in a lot of stress as it constantly replayed in his mind. Bowker wanted people to understand what he had experienced in Vietnam, but he was the only one who could so he was falling under the weight of such a burden. When Norman returns from war, he thinks of his girlfriend from high-school, who was married to another man, he thinks of his father's pride in his medals, and he thinks of the man he did not save in Vietnam. Norman thinks of his other medals as irrelevant, because the one medal he did not receive haunts him. It wasn't truly about the Silver Star medal after all, but it was about the man that he had left to die in Vietnam. He regrets the fact that he did not save the man in worry that he would die if he tried. The letter that Bowker write to O'Brien was his way of trying to cope with the loss of his friend in Vietnam and the emotional trauma that he was experiencing. However, that does not help him because Bowker later hangs himself in the men's locker room at the YMCA. The regret that Bowker faced was too much for him to handle, and he couldn't continue to live his own personal hell on Earth.
ReplyDeleteI believe that courage is something that one does without a thought, no matter the danger or not. Courage is doing the right thing no matter the consequences. O'Brien describes courage as putting someone else's needs before yours and doing something without a second thought. Norman Bowker lacked courage when he didn't save Kiowa when he was sinking in the mud that night in the sewage field. He attempted at saving him, but he didn't because he was afraid to lose his own life. Coming back from the war, I believe that Norman Bowker held a guilty conscious. He kept referring to the Silver Star medal he could have received from having courage of saving Kiowa and now he has to live with the thought that he was almost responsible for letting him die. Norman went to war because he wanted to achieve something, hence earning all his medals. It also seems that he wanted to impress his father and he hoped that he could impress his father by showing him all these medals that he received. When he doesn't bring the Silver Star medal home he carries guilt on his shoulders, which is one of the reasons he is broken. War took its toll on Norman Bowker and he felt lost because he didn't know where to go and because he didn't have anyone. No one wanted to hear his war stories and no one wanted to talk to him. Talking would be a good coping technique for him which is why he sent a letter to his friend Tim O'Brien. Even in the letter he said that he couldn't find a reason to live anymore. He couldn't keep a steady job, and school didn't keep him entertained. Not to mention that he lived with his parents, and at someone his age who wanted to live with their parents? He would want to live with the girl of his dreams and kids playing under his feet. After a while Bowker decided that he no longer wanted to suffer the mental pain of being alive so he ended it and hanged himself.
ReplyDeleteThe author tries to show the meaning courage by saying, that no matter what you fight for whether it is right or wrong or what you believe in as a person you do it for you. Courage is more than just a character trait of a man it is what that man does to show his worthiness to have that title granted to him. I define courage as the ability to take on things that you are fearful of or do not truly understand. Courage to me is being able to take things head on and keep trucking forward through your life.
ReplyDeleteBowker saw the war hands-on and it deeply affected him he had to watch his friends die and he saw the world for what it really was. In all it made him regret some of his decisions in the war and later in his life. He finds it hard to come home and fit back in to society. He becomes dellusional and starts imagining that everyone is dead and he keeps seeing his friend Kiowa. He also starts having nightmares of the war of all the things that had deeply affected him. He finds that it is more comfortable to seclude himself from the rest of the world than to be actively involved in it.
Bowker writes to O'brien about the Silver Star he did not recieve because he was to cowardly to go get Kiowa out of the muck that was taking him down into the earth. Even though Bowker recieved seven other medals he still regrets not getting the Silver Star. Bowker writes to O'biren about how mad he is at himself for not saving Kiowa and O'brien does not truly understand how bad Bowker was affected because of this. So O'brien just views it as a letter from his friend who was just trying to let off a little steam. Bowker though kills himself at his local YMCA in Iowa because he was so deeply affected by not recieving the Silver Star and not saving is friend Kiowa.
The narrator defines courage as “not always a matter of yes or no”. I believe that he is trying to say that depending on a situation a person’s options on being courageous or being cowardly are not always so black and white. A person’s courage will come and go depending on the situation they’re in. Norman Bowker believes he lost courage when letting Kiowa die and that caused him to not receive the Silver Star. He was overcome by the smell of the field to pull Kiowa out of the muck and this haunts him. He has no one to talk to that would understand what happened in Vietnam, and wishes his dad would talk to him about it and be able to relate and understand. I believe the letter he wrote to O’Brien was his way of getting his story out, he knew O’Brien would understand and be able to relate. Bowker took his own life, overcome by guilt from his lack of courage; not having the Silver Star was a constant reminder of the life he could have saved.
ReplyDeleteThe war was rough on Norman Bowker. The only life he knew was a soldiers life. He returns to his home wit hopes that he will get to back with his old girlfriend bit he only finds that she had gotten married. Norman finds the town plain and boring as he spends most day driving around town and playing basketball at the YMCA. Norman really wants someone to talk to about the war. He desperately wants to get it all out. He especially wants to talk a out his war medals. Norman had seven medals and almost had eight. He thinks he lost his eighth for not saving grace Kiowa even though there was nothing he could do. Bowker ended up writing to the author asking to write his story in one of the author's books. Norman ended up committing suicide because he didn't see much to life anymore.
ReplyDeleteO'Brien says that courage isn't always 'yes or no' and I agree that it isn't just black and white but a huge grey area with just the outer ends being white or black.
ReplyDeleteNorman Bowker returned home after the war but he never really left Vietnam mentally. His mind is planted in what happened all-throughout his involvement in the war. He expects to come home and return to life as normal and go to college, get a job, and maybe find a girl, but he is so deeply scarred by the war that he unintentionally stops himself from doing anything. He keeps wanting to talk about the medals he had won in the war and how close he came to the Silver Star. I believe he uses the other medals as a way to cover-up the fact that he just didn't have enough courage to save Kiowa and get the Silver Star. He uses them in the same way a student would use an A+ on a test to cover up a C on a project. It's his way of saying that he's not that bad and that he does have courage just not enough. The fact that he keeps referring to how he almost got the Silver Star shows that he has an overwhelming guilt for not saving Kiowa and he fixates on that.
Bowker wrote to O'Brien because O'Brien had found a voice and was using it and was willing to tell stories, while Bowker couldn't bring himself to speak about the war. It was Bowker's way of getting his story told and getting it off his chest. So O'Brien decides to include Bowker's story in his own book to show the horrendous affects of war. Bowker still feels no consolidation in the story and he decides the only way out is to hang himself.
The narrator defines courage as being brave and having the ability to push through hard times that you may not be able to avoid. I define courage as being able to push your limits and be brave enough to try something new. I also agree with the author’s definition. The war affected Norman Bowker in a negative way. It left him upset and he didn’t really know what to do when he came back home. All he really wanted to do was talk to someone about what he had been through but most of his friends were either dead or moved away, the girl he liked was already married, and his father was too into baseball. Norman Bowker received seven medals, but he was not proud of any of them because he earned them for just common valor like routine, daily stuff. He keeps referring to the medal he didn’t receive because he didn’t get it because he wasn’t brave enough and as a result his friend, Kiowa, died. Therefore, Bowker blamed himself for Kiowa’s death and wished he could go back and save him. Bowker writes to O’Brien so he can talk to someone and share his story. Bowker also wants O’Brien to write a story about himself and especially about Kiowa’s death. This letter made O’Brien stop for a minute and think about his life and how after the war he easily moved on and had a smooth shift from war to peace. O’Brien also realized that by writing he was able to relive his memories from the war which in a certain way made him feel better. Bowker ended up hanging himself in the bathroom of a YMCA. I think he did this because he felt like his life was already over and there was nothing more for him to do.
ReplyDeleteI believe that O'Brien defined courage as something as simple as doing something that you may not feel comfortable doing. That is also the way that I would define courage. Norman Bowker returned from the war a very changed man. The war took Norman away from his small town that he has known and loved all his life. He talks to himself to see what things he could do like talk to people about his experiences in the war. He wishes he could have won the Silver Star but just keeps regretting his decision to leave Kiowa. He thinks he would have the respect of everyone if he received the Silver Star. Bowkar probably wrote to O'Brien to get his story out even if the name was different wasn't his name that was mentioned. He was a quiet man and felt like that was a way to move on possibly. When O'Brien saw the letter from Bowkar it made him realize how writing about his war stories made him not end up like Bowkar. Bowkar ended up committing suicide by hanging himself at the Y with a jump rope. Norman dwelled on the past and didn't move on. He felt like an outsider and regretted a lot of things which possibly led to his decision to commit suicide.
ReplyDeleteCourage in the novel is not just limited to say you can do something or not but rather if you can physically do it too. By saying it was so cold that you can, "feel the cold in your bones," it is meant that any soldier had the chance to give up right then and there but they didn't. They stuck through the pain in hopes of eventually getting out of the war. When Norman Bowker returned home, he constantly wishes his dad would be proud even if he didn't win a medal to show for it. Explaining this would be when Bowker insists that his dad only cares about medals and says, "that's all my old man talks about, nothing else" (34). I think this comes into play when the Silver Star is added. If he would have won the medal then he feels that everyone would want to hear the story because he has something to show for it. But still no one would understand the experience he went through with his guilt for not saving his friend. Also that Norman Bowker, "did not experience a failure of nerve that night," (154) shows that adding that part represents how it actually felt for Norman. That the story was truer than the truth. This is how Bowker feels how the event happened and that's why he wants to tell the story to relieve some of his thoughts, but doesn't feel that anyone in town will understand him. So he uses Tim O'Brien as a last resort to finally let the story out but even O'Brien doesn't tell the story in the true feeling that Bowker felt that night. That really effected Bowker and his thoughts eventually took over him and he committed suicide.
ReplyDeleteO’Brien describes courage in not the traditional way. He, in my interpretation of it courage is being brave but you dont have to run into a burning building to save someone. I see courage as an act of forgetting about yourself to put someone or something before you. Even if it is something you do not wish to do.
ReplyDeleteNorman Bowker was a simple average man who was pulled into the awful vietnam war. After coming home he dwelled a lot on the day and time he could had saved Kiowa. He became like so many other sad veterans quiet about his pain although he screamed the story in his head. Norman im sure feels that he would had been treated more like a hero if he had come home with the silver star. And that with that star he feels that his father would had been more proud and happy of his return if he had come home with the star.Norman comes home with the Air Medal, the Army Commendation Medal, Combat Infantryman’s Badge, the Bronze Star, and the Purple Heart. I am sure Norman was proud of them he even talked about his pride for the Combat Infantryman’s Badge he said it meant he was a real soldier. Yet with most people they forget about what they have and always look at what they could had have or what they want. Broker wrote to O’Brien as a sort of release, he needed to share his story he couldn't keep it bottle up inside and since O’Brien had also been a soldier he could hopefully relate and understand Brokers pain. O’Brien felt the need to take out a lot of Brokers story most the story of the field where Kiowa died. Broker cant handle his life now he feels though he died along side Kiowa in that field and decided to hang himself at the local YMCA.
O’Brien describes courage as the ability to withstand fear and find your inner strength, I see courage as more the will to overcome fear and be ready to accept the consequences. Norman Bowker had just as more courage as the next guy yet continued to blame the death of Kiowa on himself, and to get over it, I think he thought more about the medals than the death of his best friend. When Bowker gets back all he wants to do is talk, yet finds no one to listen, O’Brien found literature to tell his stories. So Bowker tried to have O’Brien tell his story for him so people knew what happened over there. Later Bowker commits suicide, the images and stories build up inside of him and he decides to end his suffering.
ReplyDeleteIn "Speaking of Courage", O'Brien describes courage as an act of selflessness and to O'Brien, to have real courage means that despite other opinions or conflictions with whatever is going on then you go out and do it. My interpretation of courage would be similar to O'Brien's but with the aspect of courage being just like bravery and rounding up the audacity to overcome and do what others cannot do.
ReplyDeleteJust like most other soldiers in Vietnam. Bowker was a plain jane man who was brought into the war, therefore, once he returned home from the war, he was a changed man in many aspects. He planned to come home and tell everyone about his experiences, but he could not bring himself to share them even though he thought it would bring him peace of kind. Instead to bring him that healing, he chose to write to O'Brien, hoping that he would understand considering he once was a soldier. Bowker was traumatized by the idea that Kiowa died right beside him and he was putting the blame on himself that he could have or should have done something so instead he chose to deal with the pain by committing suicide.
The narrator defines courage as being brave and selfless. Even if its physically draining you still try because its the right thing to do. I define courage as putting someone else in front of your own needs.
ReplyDeleteNorman Bowker changed dramatically after the war. He says he was lost back it the fields. Back where Kiowa was lost. He said he never came back from Vietnam. After the war he would drive around for hours not knowing what to do with his day. He would often daydream about Kiowa and regret not saving him when he had the chance. Norman received seven medals for his service. Bowker always mentions the silver star metal he almost received. He refers to this multiple times because he feels guilty for not saving Kiowa. Norman wrote to O'Brien to share his story and his feelings. Due to all the guilt Norman felt he committed suicide.
The narrator defines courage as being able to face your fears for the well being of others. I define courage as being able to do something you're not comfortable with for the sake of others, so I guess O'Brien and I see courage as pretty much the same thing. Bowker went through a lot of changes after the war. He was really freaked out that Kiowa died next to him, like he claimed that he would never leave Vietnam, and he spent a lot of time dreaming of Kiowa and wishing he could have been able to save him from his death. He felt so much guilt, that after sharing his story with the author he ended his life.
ReplyDeleteI believe the narrator defines courage as being fearless and brave, by being able to put ones needs before your own and being able to step out of your comfort zone and helping those in need. I believe courage is an act of selflessness, one doesn't need to be brave and do something life-threatening to be courageous, a person just needs to stand up and help without fear of what might happen next.
ReplyDeleteAfter the war Norman Bowker changed substantially, he believed he was lost in Vietnam, and couldn't forget how he lost Kiowa. Norman's father was so obsessed with him winning medals, that that's all Norman seemed to care about. Norman won seven medals, but he always spoke of how he almost won the Silver Star, he always spoke of this because of the guilt he felt from allowing Kiowa to die. He began to reminisce about the past and realized how little he had and how he had no where else to go. Norman wrote to O'Brien due to his guilt of not saving Kiowa and he wanted to share the memory of Kiowa. Due to the guilt and nothingness Norman had he committed suicide.
The narrator defines courage as just doing what you have to do and not cry about doing it. I define courage as doing what someone else is too scared to do and doing it without whining. Norman Bowker keeps referring to the medal he didn’t receive because he feels guilty about how he didn’t receive the medal. He has a lot of pressure from his father to receive the medal but he didn’t earn it so he feels guilty. Norman committed suicide because his ex-girlfriend was getting happily married and he couldn’t leave the war behind him. His father was still disappointed because he didn’t earn the medal. So he killed himself because he saw no more meaning in life.
ReplyDeleteI believe the narrator defines courage as being able to handle fear and have the strength to persevere in times of need. I see courage as an selfless act that is done by someone for the greater good. Or it is simply doing something that would put someone apart from everyone else. Norman Bowker was plagued with the tragedy of Kiowa's death and the fact that he couldn't save him. He tried to seek peace in all the medals he did win, but he couldn't forget the fact that he was never able to save Kiowa and earn that specific medal. Bowker always thought he would have more courage to save his friends but its different when someone is actually in the situation and not just thinking about it. Eventually, Bowker committed suicide because his mind never left the war. This shows how the war affected Bowker's inner courage to face his depression.
ReplyDeleteThe narrator defines courage not as a something you choose to be, but something that is always inside you, either ready to show itself when a struggle appears, or to remain unseen. We cannot go looking to become courageous, instead courage is achieved through our actions, things that can even sometimes be overlooked. Persevering during a tough time, choosing not to conform to society's social standards, and helping a person in need can all be considered courageous acts.
ReplyDeleteNorman Bowker returned from war deflated because of the losses he suffered. After failing to save his friend Kiowa, Bowker feels an enormous amount of guilt. He always brings up the fact that he should have won the Silver Star for Valor not because he thought he deserved it, but because he wishes he would have displayed Valor when he had the chance to help his friend. Bowker writes to O'Brien to express both his guilt and his constant feeling of emptiness. This guilt eventually drives him over the edge and he hangs himself to escape.
I feel that the narrator's definition of bravery is accurate in some ways. For example the very fact of risking your life in the service of your country is brave, just that alone. Fighting in a war is horrible, terrifying thing and anyone who voluntarily joins is definitely brave in my eyes. I define courage as taking action when no one else will. Rising above what other judgement clogs your brain and acting in the right way. However I can also agree that it is not just in-the-moment actions.
ReplyDeleteThe things that Norman Bowker went through are obviously scarring experiences and especially after the war Bowker felt the aftermath. He held the unimaginable guilt of not saving Kiowa. Although reassured it wasn't his fault, it would do no help to what Bowker would think about for the rest of his life.
The medals that were received by Norman Bowker did not have any meaning to him. He received seven medals including the Combat Infantryman's Badge, the Air Medal, the Army Commendation Medal, the Bronze Star, and the Purple Heart. All of these medals are such great achievements that Bowker earns. He worked hard for years in Vietnam to earn these medals. He can only think about what his father would say about the medals and the pride his father would take in the medals. In fact his father only would care about the medals and nothing about Norman. Also Norman kept playing in his mind how he would tell his father how he almost earned the Silver Medal when the banks of the Song Tra Bong overflowed. The medals would be meaningless to Norman because his father only based his success on his medals.
ReplyDeleteI think the narrator's definition of courage is being able to handle things when you have to and saving it for those exact moments. I believe just being in war is courageous enough, no matter how much someone could ignore the interactions, they are still dealing with the true effects of the war. I believe courage is being able to stay intact and alert in moments of grief or stressful life threatening moments. When Norman returns home he seems very lonely, all he wants to do is tell someone about his experience in the war. He wishes for people to understand his experiences but he knew they never would and he feels they might even be uninterested in them. Norman even states he doesn't want to be one of those complaining veterans but i feel if he shared his experience he wouldn't of ended his life. He just built them all up inside him and in the end he exploded. Norman received 7 medals and he should feel proud of them but in the end all he could talk about was the one he didn't get, the Silver Star. I believe he kept talking about this medal because it was one that he actually cared about. He probably thought it would show real courage for saving his friend. In the end though he just wallowed in pity about not receiving this medal because it showed his lack of courage and he believed Kiowa's death was his fault. I think all he cared about was receiving that medal, and the one chance he had to get it he chickened out. Norman writes Tim a note talking about Tim's first book and says that he should write a book about him and how he can't get it together after the war. Normans note really affected O'Brien in the way that it made him think about him self and how he easily transitioned from Vietnam to Harvard and life.
ReplyDeleteThe war makes Norman very depressed, he feels as if he has no meaning in life any longer and doesn't know what to do with himself. Norman received all the medals all the other men did but he didn't get The Silver Star. He talks about not receiving that medal because if he did that would mean he would've saved his close friend Kiowa's life. But Norman didn't save Kiowa's life so he did not receive The Silver Star. Norman writes to O'Brien because he thinks he should write a book about him and because Norman needed to let all the things he was thinking out. Norman Bowker ended up hanging himself because of his severe depression.
ReplyDeleteThe narrator defines courage by that taking action is not always the way of showing such courage, but just enduring it. My definition of courage would be taking a burden upon yourself whether it's for yourself or for others. Courage is having the will to take responsibility and overcome the worst of struggles that would be easier to just run away from.
ReplyDeleteThe effects on Norman Bowker after the war is when we start to learn more about him. Norman is completely unable to leave the war in the past and simply cannot communicate about it to others. The letters to O'Brien are Norman's last attempt to be able to communicate, but Tim fails him and Norman ends up committing suicide.
I believe that the narrator's definition of courage is taking action upon yourself even when it is not required. I define courage be taking action upon oneself to solve a challenging task. It is okay to fail the task as long as the task had maximum effort put towards it in order to attempt to achieve it. Norman Bowker is suffering after the war mainly because he was unable to save Kiowa from sinking into the muck. He is deeply troubled after the war because he is unable to really share his experiences and feelings with anyone. Bowker receives seven medals for his efforts during the war, but he does not receive the silver star. I think he keeps referring to this medal because he thinks that this medal shows the most courage and he believes that he did not show enough courage to receive it. Bowker writes to O'Brien because he needs to express his troubles and his guilt to someone. Bowker later commits suicide because he believes his life has no meaning anymore and he can't live with a purpose.
ReplyDeleteThe narrator defines courage as being someone who takes initiative, or as being a man one may never have wanted to be. Norman becomes a very depressed and lonely man. Alone and empty, the war leaves him almost lifeless inside. This is the man Norman finds himself left with. The type of man Norman transforms into is an example of how events and choices made at war would forever be a part of the person they become. Norman Bowker ends up believing he was no purpose in life and no meaning and commits suicide.
ReplyDeleteThe narrators definition of courage is simply someone who is able to face his problems head on and stay up thinking for hours even in a place as horrid as Vietnam. My definition is much different. I think of a courageous person as someone who is more action driven and does unthinkable and dangerous things. The war flat out ruins Norman Bowker's life. It controls everything he ever does and changes everything for him. He becomes depressed and is constantly obsessing over the Silver Star he did not win. He wishes he can move on and get a normal job and live a normal life but he can't. The trauma from the war always lingers. Norman Bowker received many medals including prestigious ones like the purple heart but he only cares about the one he didn't earn mainly because it resulted in the death of his fellow soldier Kiowa. Norman contacts O'Brien because he's bored and needs a friend. He has no one and wants someone who he can reminisce with. O'Brien realizes by the letter that Norman Bowker is struggling and it hits him. He realizes how lucky he is that he isn't experiencing flashbacks or obsessing over what happened. Norman ends up committing suicide in the Y locker room because he has had enough. He was silent for too long and held his problems within himself when he should have seeked helped or at least found someone who he could talk to.
ReplyDeleteThe narrator defines courage as being selfless and putting people and their needs before your own. I define courage as doing something you usually don't do and stepping out of your comfort zone because it takes a lot to do something out of your normal.
ReplyDeleteAfter the war Norman Bowker felt like he could not leave Vietnam in the past and it still consumed his thoughts. No matter how many metals he won and how much his father praised him for them. He could not help feeling guilty about not saving Kiowa. the guilt lead him to write O'Brien and tell the story of Kiowa and how Bowker felt about life. His quilt and loss of will to live eventually lead him to kill himself in a YMCA locker room three years after sending his story to O'Brien.